The World’s Worst Vegetarian

On my 9 month trip overlanding in Africa, I was often referred to as “The World’s Worst Vegetarian”. Let me explain. 99% of the time I am vegetarian. But I also eat seafood. And prosciutto. And the odd sausage – though that probably doesn’t even classify as meat. And then I often try unusual things whilst travelling.

In Beijing, I started out with the best of intentions on my first night, eating tasty and wholesome chilli spaghetti with beans at the Veggie Café. It was not very Chinese per se although as the theory goes, they were apparently the first ones to make pasta.

On the way back to my hotel, I went via Donghuamen night market as I’d been wanting to try something unusual (as an after dinner snack rather than a full size meal). Chefs were hawking their dishes with pride gesturing towards their trays full of ready-to-cook silk worms, tripe, spiders, bamboo worms, snake, crickets, cicadas, starfish, sea urchins, scorpion, cat, dog and the more normal dumplings, noodles, veggies and candied fruits.

It seemed the ‘stranger’ their food, the more proud they were. Those most proud had sheep’s testicles and lamb penis on offer and would shout it out with glee and grab their groin and shake it up and down for added emphasis!

The scorpion skewer was calling me. I walked up and down to try to find the best stall and lingered in front of it, contemplating the critters. Then I realised my problem. There was no-one to egg me on. In order for me to eat something bizarre, I need peer pressure. Lacking it, I chickened out and went home.

The following day, I met a lovely couple who were travelling around the world for 9 months – Julen and Sabrina. They must’ve taken pity on me lamenting I was unable to eat a scorpion on my own and accompanied me back to Donghuamen night market.

We strolled up and down and selected an appropriate scorpion skewer. There was a choice between 'small' ones and a an oversized one. The small ones somehow seemed more appetising.

Two come on a stick – perfect for sharing. Julen had the first one and I had the second. The tail on mine was curled up angrily and looked threatening despite it being deep-fried. I bit it in half and was actually surprised – it was oily, salty and crunchy – and actually relatively tasty. Even the curled tail went down well.

Next off the mark was snake, which had the consistency of chewy calamari, though it had no flavour aside from the sauce and herbs added to it.

Satisfied with my non-vegetarianism for the night, I then switched to candied fruit which to be honest was far tastier.

The World’s Worst Vegetarian? A fairly appropriate title, don't you think?